LOST

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

yess~ I'm Lost~ thats why im here.... I forgot what i came here for, i forgot why i came here for?? feels like i dont wanna study anymore..i lose strength, i lose my way... and i think that im lost..again...

writing this post, though im crying, yelling, i wanna go back home, but there's no turning back..

Home, I feel safe, secure, love, and everyone understands me.

Here, sick, tired, stupid, and why the heck doesnt anyone understand me? like asking the same question over and over again...but im still..here....

I want a joyous life, i want a joyous trip, i want my whole life back again...where i can study peacefully, and happy, because success happens when happiness overcomes sadness.. :(

is this the part where we become an adult? without the help of my mother..yes mother, its really hard taking care of our own money ourselves... and i dont think i'll be able to get back there this year..its really hard.. T___T ..but i miss u so much that i can keep crying everyday....i miss my late granpa that i always dreamt about him every fortnight...i need to visit his grave.. i miss my sisters.. cuz i got no one to figth with here... kalau imah kn bawa kelaie main2, drg pikir banar2..so uncool!!!!!!!

yeahh..i cant focus on my studies... but i have to study..my grades are falling... but i need to study.... i wanna go back home..i want my mum, and my sisters... i wanna be where they are..and that just keeps the heart at peace

Sunday, January 24, 2010

i miss my mum~

i miss my camera~

i miss taking good pictures~

i wish to be a professional photographer someday~

professional doesnt mean a wedding photograher..i dont want it to be that way~

i want people to diverse their thinking that its not only a wedding photograher needs to be professional~

and i hope i can have it as my profession~

and i know mum or the community would not agree for me to take this to a higher level where i once said i would want to further study on photography, but i do understand for its not our culture or religion and would've hate the fact as far as taking pictures of people half naked..

but i would want to look at it as my profession~ or maybe i dont want to do it at part-time but i want to do it as my real profession!!

some may think, why the hell did u take the Construction course for?

for a while, i dont even know why i was taking that course by saying, i want to be an Architect!

i really love buildings and i want to change how the building in Brunei looked like!

Dont u all agree that buildings in Brunei is quite boring! and No Adventures! No Lines! No Symmetry!

but whats got me dissapointed at the same time is that i dont even know how to draw! i suck at drawing!

and sometimes when u want to interpret something, u gotta be able to draw at least if you're in this industry~

i know that nowadays they got this technologies and everything, but what is it when you're going to meetings, how would u see yourself when u yourself cannot interpret to others how u want it to be!

or else when u want circles in will came out as trapeziums!

first i never thought that u dont even know how to draw or u only have the least knowledge of drawing, u gotta capable of doing something other than being an Architect!! i am actually at this point~ am 1/3 of my life closer to giving up being an Architect!

so i finished my diploma in Construction..should i go somewhere beyond construction?

Contractor? Quantity Surveyor? Land Surveyor?

i dont want to think of those as i would assure myself that i will not be enjoying myself to the fullest when i got this dream~ of being an Architect when its just an inch away~

honestly i dont know where i'll be heading to now~

but now, what i really got in my mind was my camera~

taking pictures and how they turned out is how i express myself~

im not much of a talker and its true when the picture speaks for itself!

i am still learning at taking better pictures~ and how its simply done without u editing it!! that shows u that you're a good photographer! not an editor!

i love how pictures can bring u together~ how it stops the time and create a memorable memory~

just thinking of it makes me happy~

and i'm still dreaming it even if the fate goes around, is it still a sin to be wishing??

i just want my camera to be fixed soon!!!

mum's been detained in the hospital now~ and its coming to three days she's there~

fever + low blood + rashes

and the fever thingy..they suspect her of getting H1N1~ WTH man!!

but now she's getting well~

before her hands were just pale and numb like there's no blood going through there~

yeahh..and before, her blood was being checked and her blood level was only at 6, where the doctor said, that was very dangerous where the heartbeat can even stop at 6.5~

it was a terrible shocking news to know that..

and i'm now happy mums being all fine~

i hope she's been able to discharge by tomorrow~

please be sooner~ :)

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Nini Ahah's Bday

Happy Bday Nini Ahah..which falls on the 6th of June..here are some photos of the event..Thx & Credits to Suhud for almost all of the pictures below captured by him..they're lovely :D